Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
