Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
