Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My bed smells like the plague
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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