around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
