Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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