I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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