My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so letโs just shut it down right now
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? Thatโs who I m voting for
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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