I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
