White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
