I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
