my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
