she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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