Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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