This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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