It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
