How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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