apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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