dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
