Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
