i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize