You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
