I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
