You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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