whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
