the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
