you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You work out of a Hotel?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize