i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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