I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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