I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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