Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
