Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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