I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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