Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
