Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
