Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
