I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize