you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
