well I can't set my house on fire every night
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
