So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
