my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
