No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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