Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
