Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
