Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
