i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
