Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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