I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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