All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
