just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
