whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
