My brain says no but my pants say off.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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