What a fucking waste of an outfit
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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