No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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