I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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