I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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