What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
