I'm jealous of your bromance
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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