sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sobbing to NWA
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
