I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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