dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
