He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
