I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
