Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
