I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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