did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
